Those who knew Mme. Blavatsky at all are divided into two opposing camps: there is no
third party of indifference. Such is the penalty of force of character, and even her
enemies could not deny that to Mme. Blavatsky. Even among her friends are some who shake
their heads over what they call the Blavatsky or "H. P. B. Legend." These have
arrived at their conclusion by way of much analysis, by submitting all they knew of Mme.
Blavatsky to cold criticism. They examine her life from the point of view of motive —
not the motive of what she strove to accomplish, of that message which she brought to the
world — but from the point of view of self-interest, of the personal advantage which
she might obtain by her actions and words. Yet some of these "legend"
propounders would call themselves her friends and regard the position Mme. Blavatsky might
have gained by self-advertisement as the object of her work, in place of the spread of
what she taught being advanced at the expense of all she held dear. Such results must
arise from an analysis of possibly self-interested motive as a brief method of estimating
human beings, in place of the more difficult task of a synthesis drawn from character.
Such detractors, by whatever motive they may be actuated, only make an analysis of
acts and words which they misunderstood, and, self-sacrifice being beyond them, they are
confined to the narrow limit of self-interest for the moving urgencies of human life. They
do not judge from an integrating synthesis of character as displayed in adherence to
objects held up to others as ideals. Looking back now to a period twenty years ago, I have
seen nothing which has caused me to alter the opinion I then formed, but much which has
confirmed it. Mme. Blavatsky was among the great souls who sacrifice themselves for
humanity, and as such, she was held up to derision and scorn. I do not assert that she was
omniscient or that she never made errors when dealing with men and women around her. But I
do most sincerely say that she never wilfully injured anyone; that she was always ready to
lay aside her won comfort and advantage for the sake of another; that vigorous and
impulsive as the human side of her was, she was essentially straight and just towards
others; and that the motive for her actions was so true to spiritual law that her errors
and mistakes (if they were such) were better guides than the most accurately reasoned
judgment of her "candid friends." At least I may say that I am quite sure that I
would have trusted the ordering of my life to her, knowing the confidence would not be
betrayed from any point of view. Many of us did: I can only add that I wish I had been
able to go further than I did.
The first time I ever saw Mme. Blavatsky was in 1884, shortly after I had joined the
Theosophical Society. A meeting had been called and was being held in the chambers of a
member in Lincoln’s Inn. The reason for the meeting lay in differences of opinion
between Mr. Sinnett on the one hand and Mrs. Kingsford and Mr. Maitland on the other.
Colonel Olcott was in the chair and endeavored to adjust the differences of opinion, but
without success. By him were seated the contending parties, Mohini M. Chatterji and one or
two others, facing a long narrow room which was nearly filled with members of the Society.
The dispute proceeded, waxing warm, and the room steadily filled, the seat next to me
being occupied by a stout lady who had just arrived, very much out of breath. At the
moment some one at the head of the room alluded to some action of Mme. Blavatsky’s,
to which the stout lady gave confirmation in the words "That’s so." At this
point the meeting broke up in confusion, everybody ran anyhow to the stout lady, while
Mohini arrived at her feet on his knees. Finally she was taken up to the end of the room
where the "high gods" had been enthroned, exclaiming and protesting in several
tongues in the same sentence and the meeting tried to continue. However, it had to adjourn
itself and so far as I know, it never reassembled. Next day I was presented to Mme.
Blavatsky, who was my stout neighbor of the meeting. Her arrival was totally unexpected
and her departure from Paris was, she told me long afterwards, only arranged "under
orders" half an hour before she left. She arrived at Charing Cross without knowing
the place of meeting, only knowing she had to attend it. "I followed my occult
nose," she told me, and by this means got from the station to Lincoln’s Inn and
found her way to the rooms on foot. Her arrival was singularly opportune, for it broke up
a meeting which declined to be peaceful, in spite of all the oil which Colonel Olcott was
pouring on its troubled waters. Mme. Blavatsky returned to Paris almost immediately and I
did not see her again until she returned to London to stay in Elgin Crescent. Of that time
I have no clear remembrance. I was busy all day, and many evenings was unable to be
present at the causeries which were then held. I did not keep a diary and I was
much occupied with hospital work. That autumn circumstances caused Mme. Blavatsky to take
rooms in Victoria Road shortly before she left London for Birkenhead, to go to India. I
then had the privilege of staying in the house with her and others, and each evening we
had great times of talk and queries, the detail of which I do not remember. So I did not
make use of opportunities and advantages which were mine and cannot relate things which
would be of very great interest to this narrative. I remember travelling with the party by
the Great Western Railway to Birkenhead to see them off and vaguely recall hearing of some
traitorous people who were attacking Mme. Blavatsky and whom she had trusted. This
evidently was the earliest rumbling of the storm which was so soon to burst.
Then came the general work of the Theosophical Society, which was interrupted by the
explosion caused by the report of the Society for Psychical Research, drawn up by Dr.
Hodgson, Mme. Blavatsky was assailed on all sides and the doubt cast upon the phenomena
associated with her was considered to discredit the ethical and moral teaching which
through her means and work had been placed before the world. I heard the resume of
the report read at the meeting and afterwards read the report as issued. Both at the
meeting where the resume was read and afterwards when I read the report it struck
me as a very inconclusive document, one based on hearsay evidence, and evidence which was
tainted and doubtful and on evidence which was not properly tested. It did not have weight
against fully authenticated evidence of a direct nature which supported Mme. Blavatsky. At
the time she had returned to Europe by way of Italy and I afterwards heard of her at
Elberfeld and at Wurzburg and then at Ostend and that she was in very seriously bad health
and busily engaged in writing the Secret Doctrine.
It was in 1886 that the position of affairs in England induced me, among several
others, to write to Mme. Blavatsky at Ostend to ask advice as to what should be done to
further the work. She sent a long reply to me and, I believe, to the others also, and at a
later date in consequence of that letter I went to Ostend to see her. She was then living
in the company of Countess Wachtmeister, to whom those who loved Mme. Blavatsky owe a deep
debt of gratitude for her devoted care.
My purpose in going to Ostend was, as I say, to see Mme. Blavatsky and to ask her
advice as to the best way of carrying on the work of the Theosophical Society. She had
replied to our letters saying that the work could be done, and to myself she had written
that such work needed a leader and an unflinching will and determination on the part of
that leader. She had also stated, on the opinion of one of her occult friends whom she
consulted, that it was possible that I could be such a leader and could do it. Thus I
naturally wished to see her and to have her advice and assistance on the means to be
adopted. I really had no idea as to what could best be done and I wished to avoid
unnecessary errors at the outset. When I look back on the methods of those who came
forward to "save the Society" at different times, I fancy that in going to
Ostend I avoided one of their dangers, for almost invariably one of their proposed means
of salvation was to throw overboard and disavow the founders of the Society. I was then
and am now fully convinced that the Society was founded by the Masters of Wisdom, whose
messenger and agent for the purpose was H. P. Blavatsky.
I had purposed to stay at the hotel, and, leaving my luggage, I went to call. I
purposed, but Mme. Blavatsky disposed, and I very soon found myself made to stay in the
same house with her. Mme. Blavatsky was very busy with her book, writing articles for
Russian papers, by which she supported herself, and answering her voluminous
correspondence. I was handed a huge package of MSS. — a quantity which by after
experience would have made one of the volumes afterwards printed — and asked what I
thought of it. It was naturally of absorbing interest and I spent many hours over it. The
few days which I spent in Ostend — two or three — were mainly occupied with this
reading and in efforts to follow the intention of the book — The Secret Doctrine. In
its form at that time it was a series of essays of the greatest interest and information,
but, as it seemed to me, it had no consecutive plan. It was a chaos of possibilities, but
by no means a void, even if it was without form. The days were busy. I was given
breakfast, but Mme. Blavatsky and the Countess had their coffee in their rooms. Then I set
to work on the MSS., while Mme. Blavatsky worked in her own room and was invisible till a
later hour of the afternoon. She might come out for her dinner, but her meals were the
despair of her maid who prepared them, for they were very moveable feasts. In the evening
she emerged and then came talk on her proposed visit to England, the work to be done
there, on the Secret Doctrine, and on general subjects. Most of the evening, while
talking, she played her "patiences," talking as she arranged her cards. Of the
calumnies against her she said very little -- singularly little, it seemed to me, in view
of what I had heard and knew of her character — and with a reserve and dignity which
commanded my respect and admiration. As for the object of my visit; she would come to
England, but she could fix no time. As for the "S. P. R." report, it was "a
back number" and all in the day’s work, though it was clear that she had deeply
felt the defection of many who had had the best reasons for trusting her. So I returned to
England and we began to look for places to which she might come. Ten days after my return
we were startled by the news that she was most seriously ill and that recovery was
improbable, well-nigh impossible. With each report the situation grew more grave.
It was Sunday, and another of our group, who had invited her, a medical man, went with
me to ask advice from a leading London specialist. That evening our friend left for
Ostend, where matters hung in the balance for a few days. The "impossible"
happened and he returned with the news that the crisis was over. In a short time Mme.
Blavatsky announced that she was free to come to England.
At this time I again crossed to Ostend, following a relative who had preceded me, and
we arranged for her journey and safely conveyed her over to Dover and thence to Maycot in
Norwood. The journey promised to be difficult, for Mme. Blavatsky was still a very sick
woman and found it very difficult to move about. Also, though the start at Ostend was
comparatively easy, it was very different on arrival at Dover, where the poor old lady had
to be carried at low tide up the steep and more or less slippery steps of the pier; also
the crossing had not been smooth.
The evening we arrived was busy. No time was to be lost and her writing materials had
to be got ready that evening for her start at work the following morning. She was at her
desk as usual and there was considerable trouble because all her books were not yet
unpacked. Naturally the one wanted was the last of the batch, but such was fate and all in
the day’s work. For me, life was one long wrestle in the mazes of the Secret
Doctrine, with the effort to suggest a grouping and arrangement and the correction of
the foreign turns of language, at the same time retaining Mme. Blavatsky’s very
distinctive style. The task was rendered all the more difficult by the absolute
indifference of the author. "Make it as you see best, my dear," was the almost
invariable reply, and the matter was not made any better by the others called in to help.
They insisted that the original language was to be left unaltered, so that readers of the
book might have the chance of taking their choice of the writer’s meaning. Meanwhile
the said writer threatened me with the direst pains and penalties if it was not put into
"right English." Naturally I preferred the "deep sea" of Mme.
Blavatsky’s favour. Living abroad as she had been, her brain was full of language
idioms other than English, and the result of her writing the book in English was a literal
translation of "foreign" idioms, with most surprising results.
It was no very long time before Mme. Blavatsky’s presence began to
be felt. People began to gather round her, and Maycot because the scene of the pilgrimage
of a good many people who had retained their interest. There were many who had got into
touch with the inner side of life. These at least knew that Mme. Blavatsky was a reality.
They knew that whatever doubt might be thrown on the account of the way external phenomena
happened, the real knowledge of the unseen worlds and states of consciousness was
possessed by Mme. Blavatsky and that in those realms of which they had some cognizance,
Mme. Blavatsky was their master, and knew far more than they. It was a remarkable
experience to see those who came. Some had private interviews: others were received in
company with us who lived in the house. And the method of treatment! At times
argumentative: at others sarcastic: very rarely appealing for credence of justice: always
the same driving energy which spared neither herself nor any other who might in any way
further her Master’s work. No matter what their separate interests might be, Mme.
Blavatsky was a uniting link. For the most part they were all being welded together into a
united body whose support could give to her a platform which should gain consideration for
the Theosophical philosophy; and it was her mission to obtain a hearing for this in the
western world.
The nominal day began for Mme. Blavatsky before 7 a.m. When it really began I do not
know. The body had to have its sleep, for it could not be driven too hard. But I had
reason to believe that many hours of the night were spent in writing, though this never
interfered with her usual hour to get to her desk. She was invisible till she called for
her midday meal. I say midday, but it was a very movable meal and might be called for at
any hour between twelve and four, a proceeding which naturally disconcerted a cook. Woe
betide any disturber of those hours of work, for the more quiet she was, the more
seriously she was engaged. Thereafter came callers, whom she might or might not see, if
they had no appointment, and of these she made many. But Maycot was a long way out of
London proper, and we had to face the disappointed pilgrims! Finally at 6:30 came
for Mme. Blavatsky the evening meal, which was taken in company with the rest of us. The
table cleared, came tobacco and talk, especially the former, though there was plenty of
the latter. I wish I had the memory and the power to relate those talks. All things under
the sun and some others, too, were discussed. Here was a mind stored with information
gathered in very extensive travels, an experience of life and experience of things of an
"unseen nature," and with it all an acuteness of perception which brought out
the real and the true and applied to it a touchstone which "proved the perfect
mass." Of one thing Mme. Blavatsky was intolerant — cant and sham and of
hypocrisy. For these she had no mercy; but for genuine effort, however mistaken, she would
spare no trouble to give advice and readjustment. She was genuine in all her dealings, but
I learned then and later that she at times had to remain silent in order that others might
gain experience and knowledge, even if in gaining it they at times deceived themselves. I
never knew her to state what was not true; but I knew she had sometimes to keep silence,
because those who interrogated her had no right to the information. And in those cases, I
afterwards learned that she was accused of deliberate untruth. One of her regrets comes to
my mind as I write: "for then you will know that I have never, never deceived
anybody, though I have often been compelled to let them deceive themselves." In all
senses Mme. Blavatsky held that "There is no religion higher than Truth," and
the position in which she was thus placed must have been one of the many phases of her
martyrdom.
The evenings passed in such talks, and all the while she arranged her
"patiences." Many were the games at which I thus assisted in silence, gently
indicating any opportunities which I saw of placing the cards. Sometimes these were
acceptable, but at others, peaceful progress was interrupted by the effort to rap the
disturbing finger on the table with her knuckles. There were times when an adroit
withdrawal of the finger led to the knuckles rapping the table, and then "on my
head" was it. Among other things which I learned was the fact that while Solitaire
occupied the brain, H.P.B. was engaged in very different work, and that Mme. Blavatsky
could play Solitaire, take part in a conversation going on around her among us others,
attend to what we used to call "upstairs" and also see what was going on in her
own room and other places in the house and out of it, at one and the same time.
It was at one of these tobacco parliaments that Mme. Blavatsky stated her difficulty in
getting her views expressed in the Theosophist. This was the magazine which she had
started with Colonel Olcott in India. It was under his charge and he edited it in India
and not unnaturally he conducted it on his own lines. But with the commencement of Mme.
Blavatsky’s work in England a more immediate expression of her views became a
matter of importance. So a new magazine was proposed and decided on and steps were taken
to secure its publication. Oh, but there were discussions as to its title!
"Truth," "Torch," and a variety of others were offered as suggestions
and rejected. Then came the "Light-bringer" and finally "Lucifer," as
an abbreviation. But this was most vehemently opposed by some as being too diabolical and
too much opposed to les convenances. Perish the word! This secured its instant
acceptance, and those who read the first number of Lucifer, and also that part of
the Secret Doctrine which deals with the Fallen Angels, may see for themselves the
information which those discussions gained for us out of Mme. Blavatsky’s inner
consciousness. Even if it was not planned from the outset, the result was to reveal a fund
of information of vital interest in dealing with the mystery of Manas.
The gathering together of many threads which led to the coming to Mme. Blavatsky at
Norwood of those interested in spiritualism, Masonic lore, the Kabbalah, astrology and
many kindred subjects, proved that Maycot was too far distant from central London and that
it was also too small. So a move was decided on, and with the return of Countess
Wachtmeister the household was moved to 17 Lansdowne Road.
Then followed a time of still more arduous work. The editing of Lucifer, the work on
the Secret Doctrine, of which I copied the entire first volume and part of the
second on a typewriter (only to find it useless), the coming of interested callers in
numbers and from all parts of England and the continent, with the formation of the
Blavatsky Lodge and its meetings, made a very busy winter. The Secret Doctrine began
to be printed and in this and in Lucifer Mme. Blavatsky’s idiosyncrasy of
regarding page-proof as being equivalent to manuscript, led to much argument and expense.
It was not merely that she would divide a page after the type was all locked in the forms
and insert a quantity of fresh matter, but she would with much care and precision of
scissors cut out and then paste in a single sentence in an entirely different place. Woe
betide the zealous sub-editor who protested on behalf of the printers and the provision of
funds. "Off with his head" or his metaphysical scalp were the orders of the
Queen of our wonderland. Nevertheless the account for corrections of the Secret
Doctrine came to more than the original cost of setting up!
The Blavatsky Lodge was originally started as a body of people who were prepared to
follow H.P.B. implicitly and a Pledge embodying this was drawn up. We all took it and the
meetings began. Every Thursday evening they were held in Mme. Blavatsky’s room, which
was thrown into one with the dining room. Members flocked in, so that the rooms were too
small, the interest being in the questions which were printed in "Transactions of the
Blavatsky Lodge." At this time the increase in membership was such that those who
entered signed the roll of membership and the Pledge almost mechanically. I was led to
write an article for Lucifer, entitled "The Meaning of a Pledge" and I
handed it to Mme. Blavatsky. When she had read it through I was subjected to what I have
since learned is called epilation, for I was divested of my scalp hair by hair. Exactly
why I did not know, nor was I told. But when the process was finished somebody
"upstairs" or "within" accepted the article and was rather pleased
with it as being timely. But the result was the removal of the Pledge as a condition of
membership in the Lodge.
The procedure under such circumstances is worth recalling. You would, as I did, present
your thesis or remarks. It would be received vehemently, be opposed with a variety of
eloquence — an eloquence calculated to upset your balance, and the impression given
that you were a most evilly designing person, aiming to upset some of Mme.
Blavatsky’s most cherished plans of work. But with your sincerity of purpose becoming
plain, there would come a change in Mme. Blavatsky. Her manner would change, even the
expression of her face. "Sound and fury" evaporated, she became very quiet, and
even her face seemed to become larger, more massive and solid. Every point you raised was
considered and into her eyes — those wonderful eyes — came the look we learned
to recognize. That look was one to be earned as a reward, for it meant that the heart had
been searched and that guile was not found, also that H.P.B. was in charge.
Some people have advanced as a theory to account for these changes, that Mme. Blavatsky
was the scene of mediumistic oscillations or that, at least, she was the scene of action
of not merely double but of multiple personality. These suggestions are really the wildest
of hypotheses — much less, working hypotheses. To those who know the laws which
govern the relation of the physical instrument to the subtle astral and spiritual forces
which dominate it, the explanation is simple. But I will put forward my own theory. For
the purposes of the theosophical work that body was an instrument used by one of the
Masters, known to us as H.P.B. When he had to attend to other business, the instrument was
left in charge of one of his pupils or friends, who ran the body as an engineer directs
his machine when taking duty for another. But the substitute engineer has not the same
sympathy with his machine or instrument as the regular man and is "outside the
machine." I conceive that, just as the engineer and his machine overcome the inertia
of matter, so the body and its tendencies proved no light task to control in the absence
of the real owner and head engineer. And a certain letting off of steam was the result.
But the energy was not wasted but used up in the work.
It must be remembered that during all this time of stress and effort Mme. Blavatsky was
still a sick woman, always suffering pain and often hardly able to walk. But her
inflexible will and devotion got her from her bed to her writing table and enabled her to
persist in the carrying through the press of the Secret Doctrine, to edit Lucifer,
write her Russian articles and those for Lucifer, the Theosophist, the Path,
when it came out, Le Lotus Bleu, to receive her visitors both in private and in
public, and in addition to deal with an enormous private correspondence. It was at this
time I got seedy. I got a form of erysipelas with high fever, and had to stay in bed. It
so happened that Mme. Blavatsky had made a progress up two flights of fairly steep stairs
(she who never went up a step if it could be helped, on account of the pain so caused) and
had arrived to judge for herself of her doctor’s report of me. She sat and looked at
me, and then she talked while she held a glass of water between her hands, and this water
I afterwards drank: then she went downstairs again, bidding me to follow.
Down I went and was made to lie on the couch in her room and covered up. I lay there
half asleep while she worked away at her writing, sitting at her table in her big chair,
with her back towards me. How long I was there I do not know, but suddenly just past my
head went a flash of deep crimson lightning. I started, not unnaturally, and was saluted
through the back of the chair with "Lie down, what for do you take any notice?"
I did so and went to sleep and, after I had been sent upstairs to bed, I again went to
sleep and next morning was quite well, if a little shaky. Then I was packed off to
Richmond and forbidden to return till I was strong. This was the only time I saw the
crimson light, though I have seen, and others saw, the pale blue light attached to some
objects in the room and then flitting about. One of us rashly touched it one day when Mme.
Blavatsky was in the next room. He got an electric shock and was also electrified by
sounds of wrath from Mme. Blavatsky, greeting him by name and asking what on earth he
meant by meddling with what he had no business to touch and by making an impertinently
curious intrusion into matters with which he had no concern. I am sure he had not
forgotten either the shock or rap to his knuckles or the rap to his curiosity. I know he
remembered the shock to his arm for a long time.
The meetings of the Blavatsky Lodge were out of the ordinary. The discussions were out
of the ordinary. The discussions were informal and all sat round and asked questions of
Mme. Blavatsky. All sorts and conditions of men and women were present and one part of our
delight was for Mme. Blavatsky to reply by the Socratic method — ask another question
and seek information on her own account. It was a very effective method and frequently
confounded the setter of the conundrum. If it was a genuine search for information which
dictated the question, she would spare no pains to give all information in her power. But
if the matter was put forward to annoy her or puzzle, the business resulted badly for the
questioner. The meetings took up a lot of time, but Mme. Blavatsky enjoyed the contest of
wits. All nations would be represented in those rooms on Thursday nights, and one could
never tell who would be present. Sometimes there would be unseen visitors, seen by some
but not by others of us. Results were curious. Mme. Blavatsky felt the cold very much and
her room was therefore kept very warm, so much so that at the meetings it was unpleasantly
hot very often. One night before the meeting time, I came downstairs to find the room like
an ice-house, though fire and lights were fully on. I called H.P.B.’s attention to
this, but was greeted with a laugh and "Oh, I have had a friend of mine here to see
me and he forgot to remove his atmosphere." Another time I remember that the rooms
gradually filled until there was no vacant seat. On the sofa sat a distinguished Hindu, in
full panoply of turban and dress. The discussion proceeded and apparently our
distinguished guest was much interested, for he seemed to follow intelligently the remarks
of each speaker. The President of the Lodge arrived that night very late, and coming in
looked around for a seat. He walked up to the sofa and sat down — right in the middle
of the distinguished Hindu, who promptly, and with some surprise, fizzled and vanished!
During this winter affairs had been moving in America and there had been a gradually
increasing interest in things Theosophical. Mr. Judge’s steadfast work began to take
effect and it was proposed to gather all the threads together and hold a Convention of the
various Branches and members in Chicago. I heard of the mere fact as one of general
interest but a day or two after I was called to Mme. Blavatsky’s room and asked
"Arch, when can you start for America"? I suppose I was like a pussy-cat and
needed stirring up, but I was off in three days by the City of Rome and took with me a
long letter from Mme. Blavatsky to the Convention. The voyage was an odd experience for
me, as I had never been on an ocean trip before or to such a distance. Also I had been
torn up by the roots out of a busy life, which occupied every moment. On board in my cabin
my attention was attracted to a number of little taps and cracks. These might naturally be
due to the ship. But my attention was enforced to a series of little flashes of light,
especially at night. The point to me was that these flashes and also these taps and cracks
invariably associated themselves in my mind with the idea of H.P.B., and by this time I
had begun to learn that most of the "happenings" meant something. Afterwards by
letter, and later when I returned, I found she could tell me accurately what I had been
doing during my journey to and from and throughout my stay in America. I was told that
these taps and cracks and flashes were the coming and going of elemental forms of force
which took a snapshot of me and my proceedings. On my return the household proved to have
increased very considerably. More workers had gathered round and there was work for them
all to do. Life went on at increasing pressure, each of us having a special relation to
H.P.B., each receiving a different treatment. Tot homines, quot sententiae, and the
variations of daily routine and life were all adapted to the testing and strengthening
repair of any defect in character which might affect the work we were doing. As I look
back to over twenty years ago, one can see so many privileges which were extended, but of
which one failed to avail oneself. But such reflections only show the arduous work in
which Mme. Blavatsky was engaged. Though the Secret Doctrine was now published,
there was the regular demand from the various magazines, besides an increase in her
already voluminous correspondence.
It was about this time that one day Mme. Blavatsky showed great concern over the
affairs of the editor of one of the magazines then published. He had been to see her some
time before and had thereafter started the magazine. It had met with considerable success,
but naturally had also met with difficulties. Entering her room one day I found Mme.
Blavatsky discussing with the others present and with much sympathy, the difficulties of
the editor. So far as I remember now, he had sacrificed a good deal of position and his
means of support, in order to bring out the magazine; and in consequence of issuing the
recent number was in actual want of food. The discussion continued and Mme. Blavatsky grew
very silent. At last she exclaimed, "Well, I will," and turned to me, asking if
I had a L 5 note. I replied that I had not, but
could easily send for one. Then I remembered that I had just sent one away in a letter and
went to see if the letter was still in the house. I found it had not yet been posted and
opening the envelope I brought it to H.P.B. She thanked me and said she only wanted it for
a few moments. I offered it to her but she told me to retain it and to fold it closely,
which I did. She then asked for her tobacco basket and handing this to me asked me to put
the rolled-up note inside. I put it in but she said I was to bury it in the tobacco. I
placed it on the arm of her chair at the end. She then rested her hand on the basket and
apparently went into "a brown study," while the rest of us went on talking, I
watching her closely. In a minute or so she said with a sigh "open it and take your
note." So I took the basket and opened it and took the note which I unfolded, only to
find a second note with a different number rolled up inside. The second note was sent to
the editor and I hope it proved as efficient in relieving his troubles as Mme. Blavatsky
intended it should be.
I afterwards asked why she needed my note, when she could as easily have precipitated
her note without it. She replied "There is your mistake. I had to get my friend to
disintegrate the note at his end of the line, while it was easier for me to have a mould
on which to pour the disintegrated particles of matter and it did not require so precise
an astral picture on my part." I then asked why and how she could get such notes and
was given to understand that under certain circumstances of merit she had the right to
call on certain funds and on certain centres in charge of her occult friends for such aid
for others. The precipitated note was of an entirely different number and series from mine
and was in no sense a reduplication: that would have been dishonest and therefore
impossible for H.P.B.
As nearly as I can recall it was during this winter that we had a visit from Mr. Judge.
I had met him before in America and at Mr. Sinnett’s house, where he dined when
passing through London on his way to Fontainebleau (where Mme. Blavatsky then was in 1884)
on his way to India. It was only a brief visit but it was concerned with the work he was
doing in America, where in consonance with Mme. Blavatsky’s efforts in England, he
was working to revive the spread of Theosophy in America. Just at this time, too, there
was beginning to be formed the Esoteric School of Theosophy. With this Mr. Judge had a
good deal to do and assisted Mme. Blavatsky in drawing up the rules which were necessary
and in carrying into organization and external expression those regulations which
essentially belong to the inner, unseen life of man. Then and afterwards, while H.P.B. was
always chief, she alluded to Mr. Judge as her chief aid.
The following spring I again had to go to the American Convention, but there are no
especial incidents to relate. On my return I found that Mme. Blavatsky had been away for a
time and during her absence had commenced the writing of the Voice of the Silence. She
was also engaged on the Theosophical Glossary and had begun the Key to
Theosophy, though this was published much later. Life went on at the same high
pressure of work and it was evident that Mme. Blavatsky’s work was in the act of
solidifying around her a very wide field of interest. At the close of this summer I was
obliged to leave London on account of a relative’s health and departed to New
Zealand. Therefore I was not present when a very great stir and accession of energy
resulted in the decision to remove from Lansdowne Road to the house at Avenue Road. I
returned to find the preparations for a move already so far advanced that a week after my
return the move was made. It resulted in a still larger activity for Mme. Blavatsky, for
she had a larger staff of helpers and a lecture hall had been built to give room for the
meetings of the Blavatsky Lodge. More office room was required, as the house had now
become the headquarters of the European Section, for the British Section was now no longer
the only European organization of the Society. With increased numbers came a strain on the
commissariat department and therefore the new lecture hall became the household refectory
in the intervals of the meetings. Mme. Blavatsky still had her meals in her own rooms, but
when her hours of work were over she would come and join in the general talk during the
evening and play her patiences as in former times. The preparation of Mme.
Blavatsky’s meals became a part of the devoted service of certain members of the
household. It was to be a privilege to so aid her to secure good sustenance, and might
prove a gain to her health. All she wanted was so easy to prepare and very simple. So it
was, but her devotion to her work and forgetfulness of time, made the service very
difficult. One has to remember that Mme. Blavatsky’s health was very poor, her
rheumatism was very painful and her digestion difficult. The body needed food very quickly
after the driving energy of H.P.B. had been taken off. It was driven mercilessly and in
its broken state the instrument reacted, sometimes to the amusement of H.P.B. I gathered
that some of H.P.B.’s friends and pupils were left in charge of it and that it ran
away sometimes. But this "running away" was utilized both in the education of
her friends of the interior worlds in the exercise of a difficult control, and in the
testing of the self-control and devotion of the household who sought to serve Mme.
Blavatsky.
As ever, early at work, word would be given that she wanted her dinner at one
o’clock, but she must not be disturbed til she rang. One o’clock would come
— and go: as also two o’clock (even three, some days) and still no bell. By such
time the simple dinner, being simple, was irretrievably spoiled. Just then the bell would
ring and the body needed its food in a hurry. And then, to all appearance, the body was a
fractious invalid — very fractious! It complained very forcibly, with a rare command
of language, and bitterly, of the broken promises of those who had faithfully promised
that the dinner would be ready. Tearful protestations and explanations ensued with further
promises of a fresh dinner in a very few minutes and great was the striving to get ready.
Then usually it became my privilege to brew some coffee on a machine I had got for her and
kept ready, the process of which she seemed never to tire of watching. With the coffee to
drink and some rusks to eat the exhaustion passed and the despised dinner (or some other
got ready) would reappear and the storm centre would shift. But though she was perfectly
jolly, laughing and amused the while I entertained her, the thunderstorm would roll up
again with the return of the devoted dinner-maker. Even the weakness of the bodily
ailments were turned to the testing of the devotee and the ability to "stand
fire." I was not in the area of these storms, it was not for me, "I was another
kind of a hairpin." In the meantime I had the pleasure of being of help, until coffee
taken, dinner consumed, I was told to "get out" and H.P.B. was off to work
again.
With the close of that summer I had to leave England again, going by way of New Zealand
to San Francisco where I had letters from H.P.B. and did the work I had to do. Then
returning on the way home I arrived at New York and was detained there by the illness of
the relative I was with; and on May 8, 1891, received the news of Mme. Blavatsky passing
from this life.
In these brief notes and reminiscences there is no pretence to give a full account. It
would demand a far abler and deeper spiritual understanding than mine to write a life of
H.P.B. All I can testify to is that she knew no weariness in the cause to which she was
devoted; that she was noble in every sense of the word; that those who had opportunity to
know her loved her, and that she was worthy of all their devotion. What we were able to
give in the cause she served was returned many times over. But it was not for what she so
freely gave that H.P.B. was loved. It was for what she was and what she represented. And
with that, all is said.