My Dear Doctor: --- I read your part II - and I found it
excellent, except two or three words you ought to change if you care for truth, and not to
let people think you have some animus yet against Olcott. (1) Such are at the end "Presidential orders" and too
much assurance about "fictions." I never had "fictions," nor are
Masters (as living men) any more a fiction than you and I. But this will do. Thus, I have
nothing whatever against your theory, though you do make of me a sort of a tricking
But this does not matter, since as I wrote to Dr. H.S. and
will write to all - "Mme. Blavatsky of the T.S. is dead." I belong no more to
the European Society, nor do I regret it. You, as a psychologist and a man of acute
perception, must know that there are situations in this life, when mental agony, despair,
disgust, outraged pride and honor, and suffering, become so intense that there are but two
possible results - either death from broken heart, or ice-cold indifference and
callousness. Being made to live for purposes I do not know myself - I have arrived at the
latter state. The basest ingratitude from one I have loved as my own son, one whom I have
shielded and protected from harm, whom I have glorified at the expense of truth and my own
dignity, has thrown upon me that straw which breaks the camels back. (2) It is broken for the T.S. and for ever. For two or three
true friends that remain I will write the S.D., and then - depart for some quiet corner to
die there. You have come to the conviction that the "Masters" are
"planetary spirits" - thats good; remain in that conviction.
I wish I could hallucinate myself to the same degree. I
would feel happier, and throw off from the heart the heavy load, that I have desecrated
their names and Occultism by giving out its mysteries and secrets to those unworthy of
either. If I could see you for a few hours, if I could talk to you; I may open your eyes,
perhaps, to some truths you have never suspected. I could show you who it was (and give
you proofs), who set Olcott against you, who ruined your reputation, and aroused the Hindu
Fellows against you, who made me hate and despise you, till the voice of one who is the
voice of God to me pronounced those words that made me change my opinion. (3)
I could discover and unveil to you secrets for your future
safety and guidance. But I must see you personally for all this, and you have to see the
Countess. Otherwise I cannot write. If you can come here, even for a few hours, to say
good-bye to me and hear a strange tale, that will prove of benefit to many a Fellow in the
future as to yourself, do so. If you cannot, I ask you on your honor to keep this private
Ah, Doctor, Karma is a fearful thing; and the more one
lives in his inner life, outside this world and in regions of pure spirituality and
psychology, the less he knows human hearts. I proclaim myself in the face of all - the
biggest, the most miserable, the stupidest and dullest of all women on the face of the
earth. I have been true to all. I have tried to do good to all. I have sacrificed myself
for all and a whole nation - and I am and feel as though caught in a circle of flaming
coals, surrounded on all sides like an unfortunate fly with torn-off wings - by treachery,
hatred, malice, cruelty, lies; by all the iniquities of human nature, and I can see
wherever I turn - but one thing - a big, stupid, trusting fool - "H.P.B." -
surrounded by a thick crowd circling her (4) of
traitors, fiends and tigers in human shape.
Good-bye, if I do not see you, for I will write no more.
Thanks for what you have done for me. Thanks, and may you and your dear, kind sister be
H. P. B.
(1) This refers to my
Report of Observations at the Headquarters at Adyar.
(2) Babajee, whose
Brahmanical conceit caused him to turn against H.P.B. when he became convinced that he
could not make her a tool for the propaganda of his creed. - H[artmann].
(3) This explains the letter
printed in the notorious book of V. S. Solovyoff, page 124. The intrigue was acted by
Babajee, who, while professing great friendship for me, acted as a traitor and spy. - H[artmann].
(4) The crowd alluded to is the same
Brahmano-Jesuitical army which has now ensnared certain well-meaning but short-sighted
"leaders" of the European Section T.S. - H[artmann].
(Go to Letter V.)
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