Wurzburg, December (something), 1885.
My Dear Conspirator: (1) --- Glad
to receive from your letter such an emanation of true holiness. I too wanted to write to
you; tried several times and - failed. Now I can. The dear Countess Wachtmeister is with
me, and copies for me, and does what she can in helping, and the first five minutes I have
of freedom I utilize them by answering your letter. Now, as you know, I also am occupied
with my book. It took possession of me (the epidemic of writing) and crept on "with
the silent influence of the itch," as Olcott elegantly expresses it - until it
reached the fingers of my right hand, got possession of my brain - carried me off
completely into the region of the occult. (2)
I have written in a fortnight more than 200 pages (of the Isis shape and size). I
write day and night, and now feel sure that my Secret Doctrine shall be finished
this - no, not this - year, but the next. I have refused your help, I have refused
Sinnetts help and that of everyone else. I did not feel like writing - now I do. I
am permitted to give out for each chapter a page out of the Book of Dzyan - the oldest
document in the world, of that I am sure - and to comment upon and explain its symbology.
I think really it shall be worth something, and hardly here and there a few lines of dry
facts from Isis. It is a completely new work.
My "satellite," (3) I do not
need him. He is plunged to his neck in the fascinations of Elberfeld, and is flirting in
the regular style with the Gebhardt family. They are dear people and are very kind to him.
The "darling Mrs. Oakley" has shown herself a brick - unless done to attract
attention and as a coup detat in the bonnet business. But I shall not slander
on mere speculation; I do not think she has acted courageously and honorably; I send you
the Pall Mall to read and to return if you please; take care of the paper. . . .
Thanks for the photo. Shall I send a like one to your "darling"? She is mad
with me however. Had a letter from Rodha; she swears she never said to "Darling"
or the he Darling either, that I had "abused them to the Hindus."
To have never existed, good friend, is assuredly better. But once we do exist we must
not do as the Servian soldiers did before the invincible Bulgarians or our bad Karma, we
must not desert the post of honor entrusted to us. A room may be always had at Wurzburg;
but shall you find yourself contented for a long time with it? Now the Countess is with
me, and I could not offer you anything like a bed, since we two occupy the bedroom; but
even if you were here, do you think you would not go fidgeting again over your fate? Ah,
do keep quiet and wait - and try to feel once in your life - and then do not come
at night, as you did two nights ago, to frighten the Countess out of her wits. Now you did
materialize very nearly this time, you did. (4)
Yours in the great fear of the 1886 - nasty number.
H. P. B.
(1) H.P.B. used to
call me in fun her "conspirator" or "confederate," because the
stupidity of certain persons went so far as to accuse me of having entered into a league
with her for the purpose of cheating myself. - H[artmann].
(2) This was in answer to a letter
in which I complained of the irresistible impulse that caused me to write books, very much
against my inclination, as I would have preferred to devote more time to
"self-development." - H[artmann].
(4) I know nothing about it. - H[artmann].
(Go to Letter III.)
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